Sardar Singh Jokes Attack Part 4; Biggest ever sardar jokes collection...

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Sardar Singh Jokes Attack Part 4; Biggest ever sardar jokes collection...

Post by Admin on Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:59 pm

Blonde Joke

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a woman, who happened to be blonde, and new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine was fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

TRAVELLERS SUBJECT

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. . In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite

sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a

good time. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give

it to the guard on duty. In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases. In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself..

CAR RIDE

A guy is standing at a bus stop in the pouring rain with no coat or umbrella, when a car slides up to the kerb and stops beside him. Thinking he has just been offered a lift he opens the door and gets in relieved to be out of the wet. "Thanks pal I thought I would never......" he looks across at the driver and there is no one in the seat. Next thing the car moves off silently and for the next four miles it stops at every red light, obeys every traffic law and finally comes to a stop at the top of the road where the guy lives - he is by now is in a severe state of shock and anxiety and the only reason he has not jumped from the car en-route is because it was travelling so slowly that he knew he could get out at any time if something unearthly happened. Anyway it was going his way and keeping him dry! Now it is stopped at the kerb again just up the street from where he lives and the guy gets out, closes the door and as he turns to head off home he bumps into another guy who is going to get into the car. "Hey buddy I would not get in that car if I were you there's something weird about it" "Yeah, I know" says the second guy " But I've just pushed it four miles and I really need the rest".

TALK BETWEEN IT GUY AND A LABOURER

IT guy - (Asks worker) What do you have? Daily Wage Construction Worker - .......stays * quite* IT guy - I have Money, Name, Stock Options What do you have? Daily Wage Construction Worker - (Softly) I have work. DIARY

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice."So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.

Sunday: Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.

Good night, Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.

Discrimination

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg a middle-aged, white South African Lady found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating. "What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked the attendant. "Can't you see?" she said " You've sat me next to a kaffir. "I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!" "Please calm down Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do-I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self satisfied grin: "Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class." Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues ... "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone be forced to sit next to such an obnoxious person." With that, she turned to the black man sitting next to the woman, and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have 1st class seat ready for you..." At which point, apparently the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the black guy walked up to the front of the plane.

DIVER

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

INTERVIEW

Subj: electrical engg People come up with peculiar or funny answers in interviews or exams: Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C. as compared to D.C. ? Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC ? Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is DC. If it gets stuck, it was AC.

Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an induction motor? Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base, turn the motor around, and put back the bolts.

Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor? Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch) Interviewer: Stop! Stop! Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an integrated circuit? Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.

External (to student) : " Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC to pass through ? Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC Comes straight, like this ---- -----, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, Up DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!"

Examiner : "What is a step-up transformer?" Student : "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles." Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?" Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transfomer that is put in the basement or in a pit?" Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the ground?" (student knows he is caught -- can't answer) Examiner (impatiently): "Well?" Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

Elephant in a Bar

A man walks into a tavern and sees an elephant sitting at the bar with a large bowl of cash placed in front of him. He walks up to the bar and the bartender explains " The first person who can make the elephant laugh will win the $10,000 in the jar. " The man casually walks up to the elephant and whispers something into his ear. All of the sudden, the elephant starts laughing hysterically with his ears flapping and his trunk bouncing up and down on the bar knocking over drink glasses. "I don't know what you whispered, " said the bartender, :but here is your $10,000."

A few weeks later, the same man entered the tavern and again saw the elephant at the bar, only this time with a bowl of $20,000 in front of him. The bartender came up to him and said, "Last time you were able to make him laugh, but I doubt you can win this prize by making him cry." The man then walked over to the elephant and stood directly in front of him so they were barely a few inches apart. The elephant immediately started bawling, crying uncontrollably with his giant tears filling nearby beer mugs.

The bartender gave the man his $20,000 prize but asked him. "What on earth did you say to make the elephant first laugh and then cry?" "The first time", said the man, " I told him that mine was bigger than his" "The second time, " he continued, "I showed him"

Blonde Blitz....

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

DHABA

Kakey da dhaaba (in London) has evoked another anecdote on cheap eating places. An Indian abroad ran out of foreign exchange and went looking for the cheapest eating place in town. He located an Indian restaurant and went in. He found three sections: 'European, Chinese, and Indian' He went into the Indian. It was divided into two: Vegeterian and non-vegetarian. He went into the vegetarian which was further divided into pure ghee and vanaspati. He went to the vanaspati section and found yet another division: Cash or credit. Cheered at the prospect of not having to pay in foreign exchange he opted for the Credit section. When he got to it he found the sign: "Exit: get out."

BEER TEST

Warning: Beer Contains Female Hormones

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
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