Sardar Singh Jokes Attack Part 3; Biggest ever sardar jokes collection...

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Sardar Singh Jokes Attack Part 3; Biggest ever sardar jokes collection...

Post by Admin on Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:59 pm

ROBERT JOKES

Raabert : Baas, iss aadmi ne hamaare saath gaddaree
kee hai.. Ajeet : Iss kuththe ki ek haath mein titan ki ghadi aur
doosre haath mein hmt ki ghadi

pehnaado. Raabert : Lekin baas, yeh to gaddaar hai. Ajeet : Hum jaante hain, raabert. Isko bathaana hai ki ab yeh do ghadi ka

mehmaan hai. Raabert : Baas, Sona kahan hai? (Where is the gold?) Ajeet : Saara beach hamaara hai. Kahi bhee so jao raabert.

Raabert
and Ajeet are escaping in a boat and suddenly there's a hole in the
boat and water starts coming in. Raabert is anxious. Raabert : Ab kya
hoga baas...? Ajeet : Ek aur hole kardo, Raabert... Raabert : Ek aur
hole..?!! Ajeet : Ek hole pe 'IN' likh do aur doosre hole par 'OUT'
likh do. Paani IN mein aayega aur

OUT se baahar jaayega...

Ajeet : Is gaddaar ko shaampein mein dubaa do. Raabert : Lekin kyon, baas? Ajeet : 'Shame se' nahin to 'Pain' se mar jaayega...

Mona
comes in with a proposal to get married Mona : Baas, Humne Toni se
shaadi karni hai Ajeet : Mona yeh bilkul nahi ho sakta Mona : Lekin
baas, yeh kyon? Ajeet : Mona, tumne agar Toni se shaadi ke to yahan
bahut monatony ho jaigi. Mona goes ahead, gets married and has twin boys

Raabert
: Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkae hua hai. Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam
bhi soch liye pehle ka Peter aur doosra Repeater Later, Mona has twin
girls

Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkiya hua hai. Ajeet :
Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye - pehli ka Kate aur doosri
DupliKate Raabert : Baas, mein aaj kaam pe nahin aaoonga. Mujhe stomach
ache hai. Ajeeth : Abay bavakoof ! Har kisi ko stomach ek hi hotha hai.

Ajeeth : Raabert, is gaddhar ko is duniya se aazad kar dho. Iski laash ko Police Estation

ke
saamne phenk dho. Aur is ke side mein ek suyi bhonk dho. Raabert :
Lekin baas side mein suyi kyon ? Ajeeth : Thake Police samjhe ki ye
suyiside hai.

Raabert : Baas meri beevi ko theen ladke payida ho
gaye hai. Mein inka naam kya rakhoon Ajeeth : Phele ka naam Peter
rakho, dusre ka naam Repeater rakho aur theesre ka naam

Chin
Chin Choo rakhko. Raabert : Lekin baas thesre ka naam Chin Chin Choo
kyon ? Ajeeth : Are bevakoof, woh isliye ke duniya mein har theesra
bachha Chinese hotha hai.

Mickey Mouse : Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan
padhnee hai. Ajeet : Raabert, isse wall peh chipka do Raabert : yeh
kyon baas? Ajeet : Taaki yeh waal-mickey kehlaygaa aur usse Ramayan
apne aap samazh me

ayegee!

Scene: Ajit murders a man.
Ajeet : Raabert, Is aadmi ko Hero Honda ki tank mein dal do. Raabert :
kyon baas? Ajeet : Fill it,shut it,forget it!

Boss : Raabert!
Rab : Yes, bass? Boss : Yeh "bus" mei kuch hawa daal do. Rab : Lekin,
kyon bass? Boss : Yeh bus "Airbus" ban jayega.

Robert : boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain. Ajit : Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.

Scene:
Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona da..arrling's typing. Ajeet :
Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do. Raabert : Magar kyoon baas?
Ajeet : Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

Ajeet
: Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
starrt kar do. Raabert : Lekin kyoon, baas? Ajeet : Saale Checkpoint
mein atak jayenge.

Ajeet : Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha
hai ? Raabert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet : Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone
milana. Raabert : Yes Boss. Ajeet: : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun
Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein

hai .......

Scene:
Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed. Ajeet :Peter,
time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do.Timer ko teek das bajhe
set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai.
Iska mauth bhi late hona chahiye. Timer ko panch minute late rakh do.
Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh
math rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb 'tic tic
tic tic' karke bajega. Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhatakega. Tum
agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega"

Ajeet
: Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi jayega
Raabert : Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein
boss? Ajeet : Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona Peter
: Boss? Sona kahan hei? Ajeet : Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe
to Mona darling ke saath sona!

Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies... Ajeet : Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, who hamara mehman

hai. Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ho jayega !

Scene:
Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter... Ajeet : Kuch hee der
mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke pare door

birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett (cheverlett) nazar

aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee...on..off..on..off Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ? Ajeet : bewkoof...off..on..off..on...

Raabert : Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss? Ajeet : Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene nahi dega, aur

oxygen ise marne nahi dega.

Peter : Boss is saale ka kya karen ? Ajeet : Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !

Robert : aur boss..iska kya karen ? Ajeet : Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be !

Scene:
Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy Ajeet : "Raabert, Ise
varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi aa jaayegi.

Bob : Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai. Ajeet : Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!

Scene:
Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy Ajeet : "Raabert, Isss
Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo Saale ko Society jeene

nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.

Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.

Ajeet
hain..... : Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala A
pause..... Tum chootti le lo. Ajeet Raabert Ajeet : : Raabert, is bail
kaa stool test karo. : Stool, boss ? Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit
kya cheez hai. AMERICANIZATION

u don't open a telephone
conversation with a HELLO but with a "Hi" The telephone is never
"engaged", it's always "busy". U don't "disconnect" a phone, U simply
"hang-up". U never "mess-up" things, U only "screw them up". U never
have a "residence" tel. no., U have a "home" no. U don't stop at the
"signals", but halt at the "lights". U don't "accelerate", U "step on
the gas". Your tire never "punctures", U may have a "flat". The trains
have "coaches" or "boggies' no more but "carriages" or "boxes". There R
no "petrol pumps", but "gas stations". "I don't know nothing", 2
negatives don't make a positive here. U no longer meet a "wonderful"
person, U meet a "cool" guy U don't pull the switch down to light a
bulb,rather flick it up.

There's no "Business Area" only
"business districts", and no "districts" but "counties". No one stays
"a stone's throw away", might"a few blocks away". There's no "Town
Side", it's "Down Town". In hotel U no longer ask for "bill" and pay by
"cheque", rather ask for "check" and pay with (Dollar) "bill"s. There R
no "soft drinks", only "sodas". Life's no longer "miserable" it
"stinks". U don't have a "great" time, U have a "ball". U don't "sweat
it out", U "work U'r butt off". Never "post" a letter, always "mail" it
and "glue" the stamps, don't "stick" them. U no longer live in "flats"
or "blocks", find an "apartment". U don't stand in a "queue", you are
in a "line". U no longer "like" something, U "appreciate" it. "#" is
not "hash", it's "pound". U R not "deaf", U have "impaired hearing". U
R not "lunatic", U are just "mentally challenged". U R not "disgusting"
U R "sick". U can't get "surprised" U get "zapped". U don't "schedule"
a meeting, U "skejule" it. U never "joke", U just "kid". U never
"increase" the pressure, U always "crank" it up. U never ask for a
pencil "rubber" U ask for an eraser. a rubber is a condom U don't try
to find a lift U find an elevator. U no more ask for a route but for a
"RAUT" U don't ask somebody "How r u ?", U say "What's up dude?" U
never go to see a game U go to watch a game. If U see "World"
champions(or Series),read "USA"champions(or Series). There's no "zero"
but "o", no "Z" but "zee". There's no FULL STOP after a statement,
there's a PERIOD. If someone gets angry at U, U get "flamed". You don't
say "How do you do", you say "How you doin" In short U don't speak
English, U speak American. Well u dont' say life is boring u say LIFE
SUCKS !!!!!

ARCHER

A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow. "Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!" After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets. "You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asked the duke worriedly. "No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."

"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The boy thanked him profusely. "But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot." "Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target around it."

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

REST IN PEACE

A new business was opening, and a long-time friend of the owner decided to send flowers for the occasion. He arrived at the "grand opening", accepted a glass of champagne and a warm handshake from his host, then browsed about the room examining the many floral arrangements and potted plants. Finally, he happened upon his own offering, only to find an attached card bearing this sentiment: "Rest in Peace" Embarrassed and irate at the florist's error, he phoned to lodge a complaint. After venting his anger in a lengthy tirade, he waited impatiently for the florist's explanation. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry....imagine this: Somewhere a funeral is taking place today, and they have a lovely floral spray with an attached note saying: Congratulations on your new location!"

Perplexing Paradox No. 1

A crocodile caught a kid and when kid's mother came for rescue, crocodile posed her a question - 'U can make a statement. If you speak the truth in it, i will return your kid . Otherwise i will eat him.' And the mother agreed. The clever mother made the statement - "You will eat my kid'. Now, the crocodile is in a dilemma of what to do.

Perplexing paradox No. 2

A king caught the bandit chief and before punishing , offered him a statement. The king said ' You can make a statement. If you say the truth in it, you will be shot and if not you will be hanged ' . The clever bandit chief replied ' I will be hanged'. The king got into a dilemma of what to do.

Perplexing Paradox No. 3

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying ' I would pay your fee the day i win my first case in the court'.

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.

When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying : " If i win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me.

And if i lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way i will have to get the money ".

Equally brilliant student argued back saying : "If i win the case, as per the court of law, i don't have to pay

anything to the teacher. And if i lose the case, i don't have to pay him because i haven't won my first case yet. So either way, i am not going to pay the teacher anything ".
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